She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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