do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
