After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it's like heaven, but drunker
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
