omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
