we have officially lost it.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
