You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
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He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
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I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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