So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
