Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
