Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
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and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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