Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
