i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
