Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You made out with two different species that night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
