Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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