So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
