The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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