My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
