im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
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So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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