sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
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The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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