Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
