so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
