I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
