How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
