do herpes really smell.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
