I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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