this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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