someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
