well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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