we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
