Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
