I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
