hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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