I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
