god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize