OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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