Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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