help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
