Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
