I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
bring money and cleavage
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
