I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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