so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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