Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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