I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
