Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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