Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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