and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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