shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
