dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
