Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
did i just pee glitter
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
