I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
