"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
