I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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