quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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