i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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