I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
