4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
BRING THE BAGELS
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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