I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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