i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
