I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is Oprah even human
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
