I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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