I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
