just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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