FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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