Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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